| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2009|01:26 am] |
In trying to not over react but it's hard to accept the fact it's happened again.... They call me beautiful and I hear it from alot of people... Now I know it's not true... Now I see the truth... Lust... Greed and pride are all to blame... They get what they want and once all is said and done they show the true feelings Posted via LiveJournal.app. |
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| Confined spaces and flying fools |
[Jun. 2nd, 2009|12:34 am] |
I keep glancing at the time thinking m sweet time on this flight is almost at an end. I'm almost to eger to turn of my iPod at rye thought that well be landing in phoenix and I'll be off this flight.. Hopefuly the next one won't be to long. It feels like ice been in the plane with these fools for a food 12 hours. The fact that I haven't eaten anythin in 2 days dosent help the fact that I'm cranky and horrible ready to yell at someone... Don't get me wrong, I'm in prices because I had to leave Charles but, getting out of there is something I've wanted to to for a while.. I miss my home known as Albuquerque! I'm in suck a tough place, my head and heart fight over what they want and the best way to get it. Part of me is a free spirit who wants to to to new places and meet new people and wake up with handsome strangers bit think nothing of the fact that they are models. Just make em fall for me an buy me flowers. Than, we have the part that is despretly in love with Charles and wants nothing more than to make him happy and grow old with him
and kiss him and have kids. I'm afraid I'm missing out on a life I feel I deserve. I deserve to live whole I'm young but is it worth losing the man I love? Posted via LiveJournal.app. |
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| Humans are ugly inside |
[Feb. 25th, 2009|10:43 pm] |
Human beings are naturaly shallow creatures. But that is altered psychologically when that certain human being is rejected by a more superrior mate or a girl/guy that is way out of thier league.. So naturally to ensure a mate they lower thier standards. Ugly people need love to. When a man courts a woman of lower confadence or physical beauty the woman reels either 1 of two things. 1. They have a confadence boost 2. They feel insecure. Posted via LiveJournal.app. |
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| time |
[Dec. 12th, 2008|04:17 pm] |
its been almost a year since i have lost logged n and posted an entry. where does some one start? i guess where i last left off will be sufficient. in january after i received charles 2 letters he called me again. yes, he cried, and yes, i cried. in that phone call he asked me to marry him because i quote, "you are the only person i want to see when i get out of basic and i love you, i dont want to loose you. will you marry me?"
of course, i said yes and proceeded in silence not telling my family. charles wanted to do it the right way and ask papa for my and before we made plans for the wedding and spread news of the engagement. like most over excited girls who get married at a young age i told smokey.
after that i received a few more letters from charles and acquired a permanent address.
he was on sand hill. in the 2-58. the was a web site where the Chaplin in fort benning, GA would take pictures of the brave men in basic and post it there so thier familys may look upon there faces in thier transformation. i was an avid visitor to this site,starrng at pictures for hour hoping to catch charles. in a few he did apper but not all. there where so many men there, all struggling to get threw the day, praying that thier graduation grew closer. but during his traing and all the letters and all the phone calles, and old friend contacted me. justin arroyos, in high school we shared a ride on the bus and when ever we got a chance a bus seat. we started messiging each other threw myspace and exchanged phone numbers hoping to hang out and catch up on old time. on and off texting and a few random phone calls was the extent. after a while, the lonellieness se in on me and starte taking its toll.
to be continue......... |
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| ::sigh:: |
[Jan. 30th, 2008|09:42 pm] |
Today i got 2 letters from my charles..
i broke my heart to read em though..
i just wanted to hold im and hug him and be near him... damn...
he called me about a week ago.. i could tell he was crying... i started to also.
once we got off the phone... i screamed at the top of my lungs and beat my door.. i fractured my left wrist... ive been wearing an ace bandage.. i really dont want to tell anyone i over reacted that way. most people will look at me and think of me as pathetic. and other will think it a great act of love and anger.. but you cant tell who will think what.
i wish i could write back to charles, he dosent have his permanent address yet.. i hater this. i have no way to tell him im thinking of him or that im dreaming of him..
i cant wait to see him.. i know ill cry so much ill get dehydrated.. haha
\i guess thats the crazy stuff love does to you..
in one of his letters he wrote that he hopes that ill wait for him and that he wants to marry me. that really lifted my spirits..
the one thing that really hurt my heart was that he changed his mind about special forces.. he said he didnt want to lose me to the military and be away that long..
to tell you the truth , i would wait 20 years to be with him... since hes been gone sex has been on my mind, but never wiht anyone else. the urges have been great, but now i know what nuns and preists have to go to.. i made a vow that i will be celabit untill he gets here.. i think he will appriciate it.. that is a really big thing in this day and age where 16 year old girls have already have had sex with 20 or so guys. being 19 and only have one partner is VERY impressive. charles on the other hand is a diffrent story.. i dont get mad at the fact he did share that intamacy with others its the fact he lied... but love and growing trust has let me over look that little fact..
my back and fingers hurt. so i must say ado to you.. my love for now until god may let us meet again in the near future to hold hands and exchange a kiss.
goodnight and be safe..
dream of me |
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| in a time |
[Jan. 27th, 2008|10:48 pm] |
there are times in our lives when we lose people and things we love.
dosen't matter if we lose them to other people, death, or a sudden career change. either way the distance we feel mental, phisycal, and plain heart break is devistating. but with time we learn that it dosent matter love is love.
when you look back on all the fun you had and when you listen to a song that ment alot you think, i love him and ill see him again. if not, he live here in my heart and in the sentamental possesion i still own and hold high onm a pedastal.
i cant wit to here from and see charles again. but i know that when i do get to see him and hug him, im still going to get that heavenly feeling.
but until then, im going to live. not mope around and cry. but i will always remain faithfull. heart and sexual.
he makes everyday the best, even when we may fight.
but growing old with him may just be the key to life. sharing and making memoriess with some one you think about daily.
i love you chalres earl way
and i cant wait to be the missus.
i worry and miss you,
so make me proud.
XOXO |
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| Damn....another one lost |
[May. 29th, 2007|02:32 pm] |
so.. i guess NO one ever listens to what i say about anything.. i am wise.. but no one pays attention.. so... well.. the reason im so mad is because another boy i know totally fell for a girl who is way younger than him... ya.. hes 21 and she.. welll.. shes 17
not.. not a good combo.. so... hes getting used and she using him.. not suprising...
i guewss.. fools take a little more to learn than others... |
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| yo ho yo ho |
[May. 27th, 2007|02:33 pm] |
so lastnight was the night i watched the new Pirates Of The Carribian.. neddles to say it was good.. ok.. i take that back.. it deserved to gros over a billion dollers... but they missed one really really important thing.. kira knightly was still alive.. and everone who watches it hates her..
but it got me to thinking..
there are many diffrent catagories of "love"
like physical, emotinal, mental, true, desperate, attentive, hopefull and the hopeless.
the phisical one is just like it explains you only think you love the person for a physical trait or object. mental is like when you consume to much chocolate or you have never experienced love before.. this state is also called puppy love...
true, is where you two just love eachother for everything.. desperate falls under the physical side but not really.. se this kind of "love" is where 2 teens are horny and there the only ones in the room.. maybe one had this act pre-planned.. and maybe it was spontaniouse.. this kind of "love" is nopt better explained as an act of fornication under consentual knowlege. this type of lust tends to ruin future relationships for the male and possibly female. attentive love is where either the male or female just needs attention so they grasp a mate much like them selves and they are bound by the need of company. hopefull love is when two people meet and there is an instant attraction. much like true love but many more bounderies that the lover might not be mature enough to pass hrough.. but they still have hope.
then lst but not least... the hopeless. one night stands or "booty calls" might fall under this catagory. there is no hope in there relationship and they have no desire to take it farther than the physical. |
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| the promise of another life..... |
[May. 24th, 2007|12:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home.... | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | no doubt | ] |
life keeps on going, if your running along side it or not..
no one gets out of life alive no matter how much they fight, or even pay.
every person kills him self little by little every day, some un-intentinal others purposly.
my little suicide was drinking, drugs, partying all night, driving fast and trying to die, and giving up on the future i never had any intrest in. i wanted to leave nothing behind but a body and a hunk of metal that was once a car. times change, and thankfully to say so have i. i dont wanna die, and i love my body. needless to say i still drive fast. but that is one addiction i dont want to give up. i have three tattoos on my body and they all have a meaning to me.. the butterfly is for charles.. hes always with me, and he never changes and if he does i still love him more than ever. the heart is to show that love is never easy, its complicated yet really simple. some times your apart but there always there. and it may fade for a little but the out line is still there the want and feelings never leaves. once youve loved their always with you. our beds are crowded, with past loves, there always with you in spirit thought and soul. but not always physical.
and the pegusis on my back is me, a free flying beautiful land creature. ive been told im a real catch . well, lets see them catch a flying horse that dosent exisit. that would be the day. kinda like saying when pigs can fly.
recently, i have been confronted by many of my freinds asking why older guys date younger girls. it took me 3 months to relize the answer that was literally right in front of me. i am a great example of the answer. i did what all these 16 year old girls are doing.
now in this day and age it is very commen for a 16 year old girl to date a guy between the ages 19- 27. this is because the want 3 main things.....
1. a ride, most 16 year old girls dont have cars but guys who are 22 do.
2.alcohol, a 17 year old boy cant buy vodka. but an older guy can.. so date him and get what you want for free and a place to crash after you finish the bottle
3.sex, yes thats right fornication. usually a payment to the older guy for the 2 above reasons. i never gave in. but the promise of it will make guys do crazy things... right this down and spred the word, be carful before she spreds he legs.
well i havent writen in a long time, but hell thers always a good time to start |
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| strangers in the night |
[Nov. 18th, 2006|11:52 am] |
so today is saturday, november 18. but im oretty sure you knew that already.
I am sitting in the slugish educational system of CNM. charles is directly behind me
taking a test.
so, yesterday was awesome. charles, josh and I hung out at the mall. then we cruzed to charles house and i tought josh how to play Fur elise on the bass.. it was a slow comfy night.
now.. today, we are dong grown up things. like school, bills, debt, and love.
its been a while since i took the time to write.
yesterday charles was working.. aka constructuion. he got a staple stuck in his wrist. his arm/ hand/ wrist is swolen. but all in all i think hes going to be ok.
he called me to tell me he was in the hospital and to tell me what happened. but the night before i had a horrible dream that he was in a car accident and died. so when i got the call you can imagine the scare i got. but it all turned out ok. this morning we had a discution about why guys have nipplles.. hehe |
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junouno's journal